my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize