Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
