As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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