I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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