I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
