Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
