Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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