im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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