Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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