Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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