I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
