He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
