how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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