I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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