at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
