I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry my hands just texted you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
