Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he fucked my hip out of place.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
