she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
