He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize