actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
