; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
