Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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