What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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