Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
