he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
