She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
