Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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