I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
