Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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