Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
