capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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