Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
