I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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