im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize