On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
