I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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