I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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