I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
