i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
