Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
