I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
