i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just tell him i said nine months
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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