she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
