so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
