I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
