Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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