We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
