Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
