is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
