Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
