It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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