how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
