went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
