Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Text me some of your sweat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
