Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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