Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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