Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
