I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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