ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am in a vortex of obligation.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize