I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
