you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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