I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize