I just threw up on my dentist
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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