you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
