After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
